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Sunday, August 12, 2018


Hye guys!

i got a lot going on that i don't know where to start. so i am now healthy again. i've been sick for the past week and it was horrible. i got the much dreaded flu. got it from Al. pfhttt.... i have never been so sick. at one point, my temp had reach 39 degress. yup that bad. my throat was red and hoarse that i pretty much didn't ate. and it made me even more weak.  so i needed to have an iv drip because i was dehydrated.

so yeah. that was my weekend.

i just got back to work today and there was a work pile stacked on my desk. hahahaha anyway, i feel recharged now. hopefully i keep being healthy. Aminn...

i also had to do follow up at the hospital because apparently i have depression. well... this is a long story. but to sum it up i have a really bad experience growing up and it kinda relapse. it happen a long time a go and i didn't think much of it because i always manage to somehow control it. but i think i already reach my limit. hence here i am.

but don't worry.
i'm okay now.
i think.
well i want to think that i'm okay.
for now.
just pray for me okay. hopefully i won't have to be on meds which i hate so much. because when you're in treatment, they tell you to let go of your fears. but sometimes the demons just comes back. and i pray that it wouldn't eat me up.

oh god, this entry was supposed to be a happy entry rite?

so sorry about that.

don't think to much about this okay.
i'm so much better now.

just know that in every darkness, there will be light.
and you can see sunshine again.

Sunday, July 15, 2018

Not in the mood

hi guys!

well, i'm not in the mood to do my work, and also everything else. i just don't feel like it. weekend was okay. i went to an open house yesterday (syawal had past but if it's about eating, i'm okay with it.) but nothing much happen. well last week i went to my awards ceremony and then my office's awards dinner and ermmm....then the usual house work.

actually, something had been bugging me for over a week now. and i'm still contemplating whether i should go or just let the thing cool off by itself? hmm... it just that i'm worried if it's going to eat me on the inside.

what should i do?

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Raya 2018

Salam uollssss

so macam mana raya korang? seronok? dah naik keje?

eh lupa lak

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri!!!!

Maaf Zahir Batin!!!!

aku tahun ni kena keje lepas raya. so aku amik cuti awal. tapi xde la balik kampung awal. sibuk mengemas rumah je. ni pun ada lagi x siap kemas. huhuhu dah nama pun baru pindah kan. banyak je lagi barang nak kena organize.

anyway, tahun ni kitorg beraya belah aku dulu. boleh lak masa bulan puasa tu Al dah stat keje shift malam. so malam raya tu die keje sampai ke pagi raya. jadi aku memang balik bertiga jela dengan budak2. Alah tiap2 tahun pun aku balik dengan budak2 je. xde hal la. Al balik kemudian naik moto.

malam raya kitorg xde masak2 sangat. eh ada. aku jela yang x masak. hehehe awal2 nenek aku dah prepare barang semua. so diorang tinggal masak jela. isteri sepupu aku yang masak. hehehehe

Raya Pertama

pagi raya cam biasa la lepas diorg balik sembahyang raya, bermula la sesi bersalaman. tahun ni ada pertambahan ahli baru iaitu suami adik dan Sara, anak akak aku. tapi x best sebab husband iolss x balik keje lagi. ayah pun xde. kena keje pagi raya. akak lak raya pertama kat belah mertua die. so yg paling tua yg ada mak jela. tapi famili abang, Ai n Adik ada. lepas salam2 kat rumah mak, kita sambung bersalaman kat rumah nenek pulak. rumah nenek yg ada maklong n sepupu aku je dengan famili die. yang lain semua beraya rumah mertua.

setel sesi bersalaman kita pergi beraya lak. pegi rumah yg biasa kitorg raya. tengah hari famili Ai balik Selangor. die nak raya belah mertua die lak. tapi sempat jugak la kitorg bergambar raya. famili akak dengan Al jela yg xde. hmm....

petang tu Al sampai je terus join beraya. tapi Al x pakai baju melayu. alasan sebab hujan. boleh? macam la x boleh bawak baju tu letak dalam beg kan? haishhhh suami sape la ni. nasib baik aku ada bawak kemeja. ok la tu. nampak la jugak macam baju raya.

Raya Kedua

malam tu kitorg gerak ke Benut lak rumah fuang(nenek) Al n tido sana. pagi raya kedua kitorg balik JB sebab ada orang tu nak amik gambar pakai baju melayu. sape la tu. haishhhh layan jela. habis amik gambar terus balik BP. ye raya iolss x happening tahun ni. banyak masa habiskan kat jalan je. nak buat cemana. =((

sampai2 je mak ajak beraya kat rumah mertua adik tapi petang tu gak Al nak balik JB. malam tu die dah naik keje. so aku x ikut mak la. masa tu famili akak dah ada kat rumah mak. jadi aku pun join diorg lepak kat rumah tunggu org datang beraya. Nia ikut mak n famili abang beraya. terpaksa aku melayan Ari main. tu pun kejap je. last2 die main lari2 sorang2. sorang2 pun jadi kan. hahahaha

malam tu Nia dengan Addin balik terus diorang sambung main. sampai nak kena paksa tido. hadehhh....

Raya Ketiga

pagi2 lagi aku dah siap nak balik JB. tu pun kena tunggu orang marhaban datang baru boleh balik. huhuhu ikutkan nak tinggalkan Nia dengan Ari kat rumah mak tapi kesian lak mak nak kena melayan diorg so baik xyah je. bagus jugak balik awal sebab sepanjang jalan smooth je. mungkin sbb aku ikut jalan biasa kot. siap singgah Tesco lagi shopping. hahahah

Raya Keempat

ikutkan aku kena keje tapi pengasuh aku cuti lagi. boleh pulak Al pun cuti ari tu. so baik la kita EL je eh. kitorg beraya ke rumah atuk Al kat Kota Tinggi. nak raya rumah orang lain, semua pun belum balik lagi.

petang nya tolong MIL kemas homestay dan kemas rumah. pastu Al melayan aku gi shopping. hehehe apa la raya kat shopping mall. lepas tu beli apa tah aku pun lupa. hahahah nampak sangat dah lama x buat entry.

Raya Kelima

nape aku nak cerita gak pasal raya kelima padahal aku kan keje kan? sbb nye aku gi keje bawak budak 2 org tu. ye pengasuh aku masih best beraya x balik2. haishhhh....

so terpaksa la mintak tolong Al jaga kejap. tu pun aku balik keje awal. kalau x, xtau la apa nak jadi. tunggang terbalik agak nya rumah aku budak2 ni kerja kan. (. .")

Sunday, May 13, 2018

Happy mother's day

Hi guys. Do u enjoy the holidays? I sure did. We didn't do much. Just the usual and i get to sleep in till 9am. That is an achievement. Hahaha

Anyway, yesterday Nia handed me my old phone which had been broken by the way, she said the phone had suddenly lit up. It had previously been soaked in the rain(we fill up the day by playing in the rain..yay). Anyway i said ok and i let it dry. Didn't think much of it coz the phone screen is always on and off by itself. So usually i turned the phone off.

Later after that i turn on the phone and it stays on. I found a lot of pictures that i didn't get to transfer to my pc. There's a couple of pictures that had been shared by my sister. It was the time when we hit rock bottom. I never told this to u guys because the thing that happen was very emotional and we don't know what the outcome is.

It was on 2016.

It was a couple of months after Al's accident.

My mom got sick.

It started with the usual fever and cough.

One week...then two weeks...then she get better but a week later she fell sick again. She felt a lump on her neck which really scares us but we didn't say that to her. Becoz we really don't want to scare her as we also don't know what it is.

In that time, we had sent her to the clinic then to the hospital. They couldn't figure out what's wrong with my mum.

Then it proceeded to checkups, scans, monogram. They give assumptions which is not very clear. And the word 'C' appears.

When my elder sister texted me her conversations with my mum, I cried with Al. My sister, being the eldest, my mum will always tells her first. And she tries her hardest to console my mum when actually she's also heart broken. I know because we cried together (we discussed a lot as we're the nearest to my mum).

It was a very tough time for my family. I don't even want to meet people. Because it is hard to talk when ur mind is somewhere else.

That was 2 years ago. My mum had her last checkup last year. She feels so much better now. The lump is still there and it turns out to be benign. so it doesn't effect my mum's health whatsoever.

But looking at the picture, it does make me realise that my mum won't always be there by my side. There will come a day when she isn't gonna be there anymore. And when the time comes....i don't even how i'm gonna cope with that.

I love u mum
You're the pillar of my strengh
The one person that i can turn to
Thank you mom for taking care of me when i'm little
Taking care of my children when i needed
Helped me when i'm weak
I can't thank u enough

Happy mother's day mum!!!


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